Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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