I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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