Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
