he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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