I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
