i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
