I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize