weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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