i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
