Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
