Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
