I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
