Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
