You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
