dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
