Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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