So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
