i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
