it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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