So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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