I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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