Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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