You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
God, I missed his penis.
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