I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
