went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
