He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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