I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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