Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had sex on a roof
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
