my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
