what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what day is it and did you see me today?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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