I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize