meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my liver is dry heaving
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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