Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You ruined the universe
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
