Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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