I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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