don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
