Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
