Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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