Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
