How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
