I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
