he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
