WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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