Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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