fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
