I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
