I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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