Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
