ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
