You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
