there's paper in my vomit.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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