I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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