Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
