nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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