Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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