i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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