dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Farmville is her only friend.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
