Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
