So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize