The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
