You can't motorboat a personality
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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