how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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