I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
