Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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