we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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