the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
