Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
