i need an iv and a liver transplant
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
