And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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