Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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