I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
