dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
