I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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