he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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