Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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