I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
