Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
