look no pants
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
