Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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