Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
