if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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