I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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