the condom got lost in my hair
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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